For the Support System
Having a chronic illness is difficult at the best of times. I was diagnosed as a diabetic (and I know there are much worse diseases out there) when I was 2. I'm now 40; always choosing to keep my struggles private, because they're mine and I don't want sympathy. Hiding pain, both physical and emotional, has been my norm for years. I suffer in silence, but for those that truly know me, they see it, even if I refuse to admit it. This post isn't about me. This about the people who support us. When you're sick you have a tendency to think about your pain, your suffering. We forget about the people surrounding us, trying to hold us up, trying to help. They have the extremely unpleasant task of watching us deteriorate. It took me a long time to realize this (for me, I had to get out of my teen years), but eventually I did. I'm sure my behavior and issues growing up caused my family some sleepless nights, but deeper than that was the hospital visits, the chest pains, the cuts that won't heal, deep down knowing it will only get worse. As the ill person we forget our parents, siblings, loved ones and friends are watching and there's not a damn thing they can do. They offer kind words and encouragement, but they cannot take away the illness or the pain. For them this is hell. Anyone reading this who suffers, please give thought to the people around you. The pain is not just yours, it's shared by those watching. I've had friends walk away from me, because they could not deal with it. I've pushed people away, being an asshole, so my health issues did not hurt them (several people listened, others did not, which was fortunate for me). Eventually, I grew up. For those that watch us, love us and hurt you are greatly appreciated. I can’t speak for everyone who suffers from their ailments, but from me to all of you: I understand that it sucks. It's heartbreaking to watch, feeling helpless, but the truth is you're not. Standing by our side as we throw up blood, struggle to get out of bed, or stand quietly because the pain rolling through our body is so severe, we just have to wait for it pass; we know you are there and that you care. With all of our hearts, we wish that you did not have to watch, it's why we hide it. The goal was to protect you, so you could spend happy moments with us, not worrying about the pain, physical deterioration, or if we need to eat, or sit, or should be at the hospital because we look terrible. You are appreciated and the unsung heroes of our lives. You may feel helpless, but you're not. You hung around, staying when things were hard, knowing it will only get more difficult. Some battles you cannot win. You can only fight as hard as you can until they end. You are the reason we fight harder. You deserve the credit for being there. We are grateful, even if we cannot bring ourselves to talk about it. For those of us that have these ailments we had no choice, but you all did and you’re still standing by our side. You should be proud; we are grateful for your strength. I will not name you, because there are too many, but you are loved and appreciated. Thank you.
PS That was damn hard to write.